i was never taught to shoot
having grown up
in a small sub-urban town
in northern california that has accomplished
the binary, affluent hell-scape
and little else

my white, liberal mother is very anti-everything
as a side-effect of her normative-privilege bubble
all of this pertinent
only because it is on my mind as i write this
incidentally, it is my mother’s side of the family
not my southern father’s, as stereotyping might suggest
that tend to be racist
this also has nothing to do with anything
it just always bothered me
and i thought someone should know

in spite of all this
i’ve managed to come out of it
clear-eyed and a decent shot
had i the time, money, desire, and access
i might have been brutal
all of this makes me feel terribly american
none of it means anything
a ramshackle of portholes into a personal past
unrelated to any sense of narrative
but it all brought me here to this day

this day being special
and worth marking, if quietly
because after several years and states
a book in my possession
has come to rest on the shelf
a doubled-over price stuck to it
from a shop that is no longer practicing business
it has spent its life
keeping a line open to a dead man
so i can still read him in firsts
despite a linear appearance
he can still pen dead
and i can read Deadeye Dick like new in 2017
while he’s still alive
on this special day in mid-april
when he’s still thinking about the turn to 60
and i’m thinking of my creep up to half that
the transfiguration of ink into concrete
the paperback is the only thing shared between us
because he’s dead
and i’m not
he’s fantastic
like i will never be
and we really have very little to do with each other
and that’s probably the joke

this poem sucks, i suck. i’m sorry.


About Moly

Average, boring, self-involved human. Twitter: @CultOfCocktails Facebook: facebook.com/MolyTov
This entry was posted in Poetry, Written, Written Work and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to honorific

  1. jdoublep says:

    This do not suck. Shush thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

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